stephen lynch - baby #

LYRICS
My lady gives birth today
I run to her room right away
She smiles with glee, then hands her to me
I look at my newborn and say

Damn that's a ugly baby
Damn that's a ugly ass baby
I'm feeling quite concerned
My semen must have turned
'Cause damn that's a ugly baby

This is just what i feared
Her head is mishapened and weird
she's skinny like a twig
at least her nuts are big
but her hair color doesnt match her beard

Damn that's a ugly baby
God damn! that's a ugly ass baby
i give the doctor a smack and
say can't you stuff her back in

And when she smiles I find
Shane MacGowan comes to mind
It makes me want to cry
When I look into her good eye
I always wanted kids
Is it wrong to hope for SIDS?
Then the doctor calls me in
Mr. Lynch she has a twin

Damn that's a good-lookin' baby
One for two on the good lookin' babies
I almost start to weep
Now this one we can keep
cause that was an ugly ass baby

Damn that's an ugly baby

Well she's got one good tooth and one ear and one eye
And thank god just one nose, but it's on her left thigh
The thought of changing her diaper each day
Or powdering her ass with that tail in the way
I think i could get a good price on ebay
Oh no, not me
I don't want no ugly baby
Damn that's an ugly baby